1 in 8 couples struggle to conceive. It's often not talked about, but should be. This is our journey to create our family.
Nick and I have been struggling to conceive now for a little over 4 years. It has been by far one of the most challenging obstacles in our lives. All I have wanted from the day I can remember, is to be a mother. I met Nick, we fell in love, and we got married, & bought a house; pretty typical stuff. Next, would be kids right? We never really prevented, we just figured it would happen when it’s going to happen. After a few years and nothing happening, we thought eh, maybe we should look into tracking when I ovulate, pin point it, and start really trying. We eat healthy, Nick is a runner, we are active. I was always very conscious about what we were putting in our bodies and cleaning the house with.
“To the one soul reading this, I know you are tired and fed up. You're so close to breaking but there's strength within you, even when you feel weak. Keep Fighting. ”
So on went the peeing on an ovulation stick, timing sex, (so much fun) for about a year and nothing. So we went and saw a fertility specialist. Testing was done, and I can’t begin to tell you the emotional toll all of this takes on you after about 3 years at that point. I have learned SO much about the human body; #ovulation, #sperm, #motility, & #morphology (wth is that?) all to create something that we just want so badly.
IUIS
So, with the test results that we were given, they suggested an #IUI. I had to take some pills starting the third day of my period, for about 5 days, to grow some nice healthy follicles, and then on the 14th day, Nick gave me a shot to trigger ovulation. (Talk about trust!) The trigger shot is so they can time my ovulation, and clean and inject Nicks sperm with a catheter directly to wear it needs to go. Fun stuff.
After the first IUI I felt good! I was excited and hopeful, but trying not to get my hopes up at the same time. It takes two weeks to find out if it works. (Longest two weeks ever)
I remember being at work on a Saturday day shift when they called me and told me that I wasn’t pregnant. I went back to work with a smile on my face, went home and told nick. “That’s alright, we will try again.”
So we did.
That didn’t work either.
After two failed IUIs we met with our fertility specialist to discuss our next options. They suggested Nick see a urologist to hopefully improve his sperm so we could eventually conceive on our own. So off we went to meet with a urologist. He was diagnosed with double varicocele, and had surgery to correct that in July 2018. Nick had never had surgery before, and for him to go in and fix this issue to increase our chances of conceiving makes me tear up every time I talk about it. While we were waiting on his sperm to improve (takes 6 mo or so) I really dug into research about toxins around us and lifestyle changes that I wasn’t really aware of that affect fertility. (That is when I joined Beautycounter- but more on that later)
So after 7 months nothing was happening. I can’t begin to tell you how many days/nights I spent crying on the bathroom floor during all of this. I’m not going to lie, some days it was hard to get out of bed. I struggled, but I definitely tried to remain positive. (Especially when people ask you ALL the time, when are the babies coming?) ugh. So we switched fertility specialists as we really thought our previous Doctor was wasting our time, and money. (None of our treatments were covered by insurance)
IVF
So I did some research and found a new place where the Doctor is one of the leading #IVF specialists in the country. I thought it would take a while to get in and make the initial appointment. Nope, he met with us on a SATURDAY, two weeks after I called to set up an appointment. (most places have a three month waiting period) I was ecstatic. We sent over all of our testing we had done at the first clinic, filled out the questionnaires, and met with our specialist. He was very nice, genuine, and intelligent. He gave us our statistics, which were our chances of conceiving on our own, would be 1-2%, with an IUI 7-12%, and with IVF 50-72% with our medical history. Well, it was a no brainer at that point. So we geared up for the IVF journey. With sperm morphology, we would have to do IVF with ICSI, which is when they actually inject my egg, with Nick's sperm. Morphology makes if extremely difficult for the sperm to penetrate the egg on its own. (making our two previous IUIs as recommended by our last doctor, almost a complete waste of time)
From the time of our first appointment to when we started the process of IVF, was a matter of on month. I couldn't believe it. They gave me a hysteroscopy to make sure my uterus looked good for implantation. (Last doctor never did anything like this) He said everything looked perfect. (As one of my bestie said, and I quote;
"You've got a nice penthouse suite."
Thank goodness for my besties. Gave me much needed laughs through out this process.
So I went in for my baseline ultrasound, had a minor hic-up as I somehow developed a cyst in my left ovary, but they were able to take care of it the next day, and I started #stimming. (Stimming in the IVF world is when you start taking your daily injections.) I was on 225 Gonal F in the morning, and 75 units of Menopur in the evening. My husband was my nurse, and let me be the first to tell you, these shots do not hurt at all. The three key steps I highly recommend, is icing the location spot, waiting for the alcohol to dry before injection, and some super cool bandaids to place over injection sight. They really are not needed, but make it somewhat fun, especially if you have wonder women band aids like I did.
As you can see below, the progression of my stimming. My body responded really well to the
medicine, causing me to have about 12 follicles on my right side, measuring up to 15mm on just day 6 of sims. My left side was a little behind due to the cyst. By day 10, my left side had caught up, and the nurse said I have about 16-18 follicles on each side, some measuring up to 26mm, and the smallest at 15mm. Perfect time to trigger shot. Trigger shot is administered 36 hours before egg retrieval to induce ovulation. Because my body responded so well to the medications, our fresh cycle was cancelled and we had to do a freeze all so my body didn't develop OHSS. (Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome may occur after using injectable hormone medications during in vitro fertilization, IVF) A freeze all is when they take any remaining embryos on day five (some six), and freeze the "embabies" for a later transfer date.
EGG RETRIEVAL
The morning of #eggretrieval you can't eat or drink anything as you are under anesthesia. I am fortunate that my husband has been able to make it to every single appointment with me. He was most definitely needed to be there for the egg retrieval as that is when he does his part, while I am under anesthesia. The process is quick, takes about 15/20 minutes. Waking up from anesthesia I felt fine, and said they had collected 23 eggs. Wow!! We were thrilled with that amount. Off we went home and I laid on the couch and relaxed.
MORNING AFTER EGG RETRIEVAL
Laying on the couch still sore from ER, (egg retrieval) I received a call from the nurse. I honestly wasn't really expecting to hear from them the next day. I know a lot of women are anxious to hear about how many eggs are matured, how many #fertilized, and how many make it to day 5. I was at this point, mentally ready to take a break. Worrying about something I cannot control isn't good for anyone. I was at peace for whatever was going to be. Phone rings;
"Hello?" "Hi is this Kalee?" "Yes it is." "Hi, this is Nurse calling from Dr.'s office. Just wanted to let you know out of 23 eggs, 20 were mature, and 15 were fertilized."
WOW, again. they then said they would contact me in a week or two to tell me how many make it to day 5 for frozen transfer. Typically they say about 60 percent make it to day 5. I said a little prayer for our embabies to grow grow grow.
At this point Nick and I are still in the waiting period. I am finally feeling back to normal after ER. It took about 7 days. I was bloated and felt a lot of pressure in my lower abdomen. It was extremely difficult for me to stay still as I am typically always doing something. I had to listen to my body, and rest. I drank a lot of electrolytes, and a few protein bars a day. Our next step will be a frozen transfer, (#FET) which stands for frozen embryo transfer. Going into this Nick and I have felt nothing more than positive and optimistic. We are almost there. I will keep you all posted on this within the next few weeks. In the meantime, I feel it is important to tell people, that
"this #infertility journey has angered us, it has saddened us, it has tested us, it has taught us, but it will NOT break US."
Best wishes to anyone going through this, and please, keep you head up. It is the hardest process we will have to go through, but no matter what, we will achieve our goal of becoming parents.